Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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