if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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