i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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