I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
