At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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