mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
