turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
