so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We need a shit load of segways right now
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
