She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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