Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
