Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
