Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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