I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
