ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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