There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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