I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
