Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
