I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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