Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
