what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
