I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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