The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
