my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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