no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
