why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
