Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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