4 words: hood of his car
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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