u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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