i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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