I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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