I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
