Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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