You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sarcasm needs its own font
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
