guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
