Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
