I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
