Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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