When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
