you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
