he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
