yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
