Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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