Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
