wrigley field is MILF paradise
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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