drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
