Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
