i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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