He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
