Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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