I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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