OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
