I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
