From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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