so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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