this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
