Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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