Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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