it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
