I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
