I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
