are you so shy because you have an std?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
