Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
