Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
