Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize