Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This baby is an asshole
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
