That's when you crack a 10am beer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
