I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize