Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize